D: The title of your book is “Hardline Self Help” what does the title mean?
PR: Hardline Self Help means that you stop letting yourself off the hook—stop giving
yourself excuses for why you don‘t or can‘t have what you want—and you hold your own feet to the fire, face reality, take responsibility for your life right now and get busy doing what you know you need to do.
yourself excuses for why you don‘t or can‘t have what you want—and you hold your own feet to the fire, face reality, take responsibility for your life right now and get busy doing what you know you need to do.
D: Describe your book in three words.
PR: Self Tough Love
D: What inspired you to write the book?
PR: I wanted to write a book for people who are stuck in a never-ending cycle of pain and can‘t see a way out. I know what that‘s like—and I know how wonderful it feels to finally be free of it. My first clue to this tough love approach came when I was singing my same old song of woe to a friend and she said, ―You know, isn‘t it great, that for the rest of your life, no matter who you tell your story to, they‘ll always say ‗you poor thing‘ and you can be a victim forever. Well, that jerked me up by the scruff of the neck and got my attention—fast—and in that moment I vowed I would never consider myself a victim again. I‘ve never forgotten how quickly my perception changed, simply because she had the courage to speak the truth to me. That‘s what I want to do for my readers—offer a little reality boot camp so they too can experience lightning bolt awareness moments for a ―blink of an eye‖ transformation.
D: What do you hope readers will learn/discover from reading Hardline Self
Help?
PR: Themselves. I want readers to really discover themselves—the true authentic version—and honor it! Most of us go through life being who we think we should be—we are products of our programming and don‘t even realize it. I want readers to be willing to look unflinchingly in the mirror and say, ―yeah, I did that, but I don‘t have to do it again. I have choices! If you face reality, make choices that a person with self-respect would, then take action toward what you want, you will have joy. So, ultimately, it‘s joy. I want readers to have joy—which is the natural state of the authentic self!
D: What Makes Your Book Unique?
PR: Well, let‘s just say that one title I toyed with was: Masochistic Self Help, which is different than Self Help for the Masochist, although I suppose that could work too. Whatever the case, this is about being willing to inflict short-term pain on yourself in ways that you would never tolerate from anyone else in order to get long-term happiness. I‘ve used the term ―a crash course in self tough love several times, but that‘s what it is. There‘s a chapter called ―Bullets You Need to Bite that might have some people wanting to aim one at me. If a friend said to you, ―Either start eating healthy and exercising or quit whining about being fat, you‘d probably never speak to her again. We just won‘t say those things to each other. You may, however, be willing—eventually—to take it from a book. Throw the thing across the room if you must, but when you‘re really ready for your life to be different, pick it back up and do what you need to do. And, as strange as it may sound, it probably won‘t be long before you‘re enjoying this self-inflicted tough love approach, and eager to find yet another way to feel better. So, yes, uniquely masochistic—in a good way!
D: What do you mean by “What Are You Willing to Do to Get What You Really Want?”
PR: When we are in tough spots in our lives and are in a loop of pain we just can‘t seem to find a way out of, we may say that we‘re willing to do anything to make things better. But is it really true? Many times, what we‘re really saying is, ―I’ll do anything not to hurt anymore as long as I can keep things the way I want them. For example, if what you want is a loving, peaceful and trusting relationship, but you‘re in constant turmoil and upset over the situation you‘re living in, what are you willing to do about it? Personally, I was willing to do absolutely anything except the one thing that I had to do—get a different partner. When I became willing to let go of my limitations—my attachment to that particular partner—I opened the door to being able to have what I really wanted.
Here‘s another example. A lot of people tell me they‘re going to write a book. Great! When? How? What are you willing to sacrifice to make it happen? Are you willing to watch less television to make time for writing? Are you willing to give up golfing on weekends? How bad do you really want it? I asked myself the ―what are you willing to do question repeatedly throughout the process of writing and launching this book. Every time the answer was the same—whatever it takes, which meant working 12 to 16 hours a day for months straight. Sure, I got tired, but I loved what I was doing, and getting this book in print was that important to me. I was willing.
D: How does this book help women?
PR: It‘s been said by many that the one thing we have to do in order to be happy is to simply love ourselves. Great, how? As women, we have so many ―shoulds pulling us in different directions. On the list of mother, wife, ―good girl, dedicated employee, family command center facilitator and other roles, just where does ―loving yourself rank? Even thinking about taking loving time for ourselves can feel selfish, greedy, self-centered and all those other undesirable traits we‘ve been warned against. I never did get the―just love yourself and everything will be fine model. What I do get, however—and what makes perfect workable sense to me—is self-respect. If I ask myself, ―Would a person who had self-respect do what I‘m about to do? I get a much better answer that I can work with—one that doesn‘t offer me the option of feeling bad because I shouldn‘t want so much for myself. Everyone can honor respect!
D: Where is Hardline Self Help available?
PR: The trade paperback and ebook versions are available through amazon.com and other online retailers as well as by order through most bookstores.
PDF versions of the book and the companion workbook (8½ x 11) are available from DiomoBooks.com.
D: At what age did you discover writing and when were you first published? Tell us your call story.
PR: I always loved to read and was drawn to journalism and served as year book editor in high school and college. I also wrote for the university newspaper and served as copy editor and news editor. However, I did what a lot of women have done—and still do—I gave it up to be married. I still continued to read and wrote a few feature pieces for local newspapers, but it was many years later before I really began writing again. And, it came in quite an unusual way.
My dad passed away suddenly in the fall of 1991 and it was a tough time for me. A few months later, songs—country songs, complete with tune and lyrics—kept popping into my head. So, I wrote them down. Having found my connection again, I wanted to expand and found a local writing group. A lot of people in the group were writing novels, and since I‘d read a zillion of them, I figured I could certainly write one. So, I did—a 400- page western historical with a love story that won a contest right off the bat. But it was the fourth book I wrote—Hot Enough to Kill, which is a humorous mystery—that made it into print. The second book, Dead Man Falls, won a WILLA Literary Award.
About the Author
PR: I always loved to read and was drawn to journalism and served as year book editor in high school and college. I also wrote for the university newspaper and served as copy editor and news editor. However, I did what a lot of women have done—and still do—I gave it up to be married. I still continued to read and wrote a few feature pieces for local newspapers, but it was many years later before I really began writing again. And, it came in quite an unusual way.
My dad passed away suddenly in the fall of 1991 and it was a tough time for me. A few months later, songs—country songs, complete with tune and lyrics—kept popping into my head. So, I wrote them down. Having found my connection again, I wanted to expand and found a local writing group. A lot of people in the group were writing novels, and since I‘d read a zillion of them, I figured I could certainly write one. So, I did—a 400- page western historical with a love story that won a contest right off the bat. But it was the fourth book I wrote—Hot Enough to Kill, which is a humorous mystery—that made it into print. The second book, Dead Man Falls, won a WILLA Literary Award.
About the Author
Paula Renaye is a certified professional coach, motivational speaker, regression hypnosis practitioner and award-winning author. She has been a consultant for 18 years and is a member of the International Association of Coaches. She presents classes, seminars, hands-on workshops and events on self-development and self-healing, as well as writing and publishing. Her passion is helping people face reality and take personal responsibility for their choices in order to reclaim their own power and live the life they really want.
Email: info@diomobooks.com
Website: http://hardlineselfhelp.com
Website: www.diomobooks.com
We all have our stories and I would love to hear yours! How did you become who and what you are today? Did you have a plan early on or is your life a surprise?
ReplyDeleteI certainly never imagined I'd be a self-help author since I had no idea there was such a thing!
Can't wait to hear from you!
Good interview definitely her book helps individuals who are stuck move forward.
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